I'm writing a number of novels and other texts. I don't expect to publish any for the next couple years, at least, but I'll show my progress right here.
The Dictionary Story
As he neared the end of his walk, the aardvark was taken aback to find a well-made abacus on a pile of abandoned abalone shells. He picked up his new-found treasure and put it in the side-pack he wore, to be examined in further detail back at the abbey where, after he had abdicated his throne of the underground kingdom, he was invited to stay by the kind abbot.
A verbose novel set in a mish-mash fantasy world, the Dictionary Story follows a royal Ardvark and his friends through most words in the dictionary.
I consider this to be my main novel. I started it in high-school, and have completed one of twenty-six chapters. I expect the flow of the novel to become much better as I revise it and revise it.
The book combines high-brow comedy with simple absurdity, and perhaps a hint of a plot.
World-Jumper
Captain Marcus Halloway Cosmopolitan stood in front of the Starship Cotillion with arms crossed, pondering. There are some questions, found througout the universe, that were hard for the wisest of beings to answer, and one of the hardest now presented itself. Marcus squinted as he tried vainly to see the answer. His squinting eyes widened as he realized the full enormity of the question. He worked his jaw and shifted his weight, as the question burned through his consciousness:
What colour should he paint the ship?
Written as a collection of 100 themed chapters, the World-Jumper novel follows Marcus, a quirky man who flies a small, dimension-hopping starship.
Humor abounds, but I try for a large amount of adventure. Different planes of existance offer creatures and experiences impossible to see in this universe.
The Crazy Long Short-Story Thing
The air was warm, the sky was clear and, if you blocked out the red sky and the darkness hanging like a shroud over the land, it was a beautiful day. Jack, Jimmy, Bolt, and Hydro walked down the Yellow-Plated Red Brick Road, crossing a barren land of dusty bones.
Jimmy looked out at the bones scattering the red soil. "You know," he said, "this place would be great for growing potatoes."
Jack scuffed at the dirt beside the road. Underneath the topsoil was more bones. "If you grow potatoes in this, you'll have to pick out all the bones before you eat them," he said.
A rather old, rough-draft-ish novel about Jack and Jimmy, two office co-workers who band together to stop their evil boss when he takes over the world.
The key to defeating the evil Mr. Shampoo is to gain the power of the Greater Elementals, which opens a great big can of fantasy cliché.
Charming and silly, this is my least-serious book, and probably the most child-friendly. I've got a good portion of the rough draft written, as well.
Got For Doe-Sow
Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess.
She was the most beautiful princess in all the lands.
But one day, she went missing.
There was a note stapled to her door! She was... "got for Doe-Sow"???
When the princess disappears, the brave knight is the only one who can get her back. He travels far and wide in search of the fearsome Doe-Sow -- half deer, half pig, and all woman.
A short, illustrated children's novel. (Er, leaflet?) It's nearly complete, but for the drawings.
Simple Truths of the world and of the Human Mind
You can find great examples of how a culture sees color by finding common names. Every child from a developed country knows about Red, Orange, Yellow, Blue, Green, Purple, Brown, Black, Pink, Grey, and White. In fact, pink is just a lighter red, while brown is dark orange. Also, not very many know of cyan or magenta, which is on par with yellow in industrial importance, as all three of those colors are used with black in the popular CMYK printing. There is a great abundance of recognized red hues, and very few blue hues.
Following such lesser-known topics as "Color and Human Perception," "A View Into Another Dimension," and "The Principals of Good and Evil," this book contains philosophical explanations into many of those pondered (or rarely-pondered) mysteries of the human mind.
Chaos
Herz woke up with a start as the train jostled him over bumps and ruts. How bumps or ruts worked their way into the steel of the rails was beyond him, but jostle they did. Herz tried to get into a more shock-absorbing position, and let his gaze wander out the window to the sparse countryside lit with late-afternoon rays. It was almost hard to believe how life can be so exciting in the morning, and then become so dull by the end of the day that you'd almost prefer to be dead.
Set in a semi-modern version of a pre-modern era, this book is rife with strange connections and the tugging of fate on the web of chance.
Or rather, it will be. I've barely started this book, and have yet to gain all that history. There'll be all sorts of odd criss-crossings of destinies, as well as unimportant background information suddenly becoming necessary. Harry Potter it 'ain't.
Modern Magic
"You're out a bit early, today!"
"It's because of what happened yesterday," Archie replied happily. He toddled to the kitchen, still wearing his jacket, and reached for a loaf of bread.
"What happened yesterday?" his mom asked. Her son hadn't mentioned anything the day before.
"It was during science class," Archie responded, as he pulled a couple of slices of out of the bag. "Mr. Welbert was showing us energy affluctations--"
"--Fluctuations," mom corrected.
"--and the artifact exploded!" Archie continued.
Mom frowned in surprise. "Exploded? Was everyone all right?"
"Yeah." Archie nodded. "But it was like ZAP--" he flung an energetic arm outward, "--and hit Mr. Squiggle's cage!" A few bread crumbs jumped off his hand and onto the clean floor.
This novel follows the daily lives (and the adventure that those lives turn into) of a young single child and his family, a trendy teen-age girl who'd prefer to skip school and work to spend a night in the clubs, a rich and famous magician on the leading edge of magical research, and an old vegabond with an artistic streak.
The novel starts as an introductory tour through the daily life of a modern civilization with magic instead of electricity, but changes into a fast-paced adventure when coincidence and intrigue draw the characters into a struggle for the fate of the world.
Multi-biography
TBA
A biographical story of myself and of those close to me, and how we played a role in each-other's lives.
Drama Park Collegiate
She reverently undid the top buttons of her coat, and carefully pulled out a large bag of ripple potato-chips. She fished around her pockets for her dip, pulled the bag of chips open frantically with one hand, and stabbed a chip quickly into the dip before shoving it into her mouth. She let out a low moan at the feel of it, as the exquisite taste of salty, deep-fried potatoes mixed with the dill pickle dip, blending in her mouth with perfect harmony, accentuated by the rippling shape of the chip. She started shoveling the chips into her mouth by the handful, wanting more than she could possibly fit, living in a world of ecstasy.
That world was quickly shattered with a knock on the door. Ms. Weigner froze with her hand halfway to her mouth and chip crumbs covering her front. She thought fast, crunching up the top of the bag and tossing it in the trash while wiping her front vigorously. She stood up and opened the door.
A dramatization of my high-school, with rumors and in-jokes inflated to epic proportions. What kinds of zany antics will manifest when one teacher is an 800-year-old vampire with a towel familiar and a heavy lust for the wife of a co-worker, another is hell-bent on slaughtering everyone with a last name beginning with an S, and yet another has a terrible addiction to chips and dip?
Names have been changed to protect privacy.
